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Jim Intravia’s Movie Reviews:

The Cell
 Personally, I thought some it was kind of gross.  It was OK, but not fantastic.  If Silence of the Lambs had not been done already, it might have been generally scarier, but it paralleled it in so many ways that it was kind of derivative.  But it did have Jennifer Lopez.

Space Cowboys
This movie was fantastic.  About half way through it I realized I loved it and they didn't even get into space yet.  The death scene of the one character (I wont give it away), was terrific.  What a way to go!  It reminds me of Heinlein's "Requiem" (1950 or so).

Die Hard
I went to see that expecting very little. I was overwhelmed. I could not believe how they could pack so much action and humor into a movie at the same time. The bad guys were fantastic. One of my favorite scenes is when the bad guy, who is in the midst of killing dozens of people and stealing 10s of millions of $$, looks around to make sure noone sees him stealing a candy bar from the concession stand. My favorite line is Hans "I must have missed that episode of 60 minutes." Bonny Bedelia decking the sleazy reporter with a right cross was a great scene, especially since it seemed to be finished by then.

Kelly's Heros   1975 or so. Clint Eastwood, Telly Salvalas, Donald Sutherland, Carrol O'Conner & some other big names. It is the end of WWII and they discover gold bullion in a town they are liberating in France, so naturally, they take it, which involves engineering batallions, air strikes, etc. All orchestrated by them while the army brass is trying to figure out what is going on. Good old fashioned violence and lots of humor, with Donald Sutherland as a 60's style hippie 20 years ahead of his time; playing music in combat, firing paint balls to make the enemy mellow, etc. By the way, the 1999 movie "Three Kings" could be considered an imitation of this, but was nowhere near as good.

Platoon   Nothing light here. As a former Vietnam grunt (69-70; US Army, Americal Division. 196th light infantry brigade) I felt compelled to see this as soon as it came out, by myself. It was a bit cathartic. It was mostly realistic, with a little Hollywood thrown in. I felt it was a pretty good example of what it was really like, in the infantry, in the field, in combat. People seeing this movie or "Johnny Got his Gun" might be less likely to start wars. Johnny got his gun is too strong for me to talk about.

Battlefield Earth   Really dumb. Way less scientific than Superman comics of the 50s. Like these aliens would not know the capabilities of human beings. What do you expect from John Travolta? His presence pretty much subtracts a star or two from the rating of any movie. In this case, he produced it, starred in it, got it made, and donated profits to his cult/religion of Scientology, whose founder was the author, L. Ron Hubbard. By the Hubbard, was once quoted as saying, "If you really want to make money, start your own religion."

Sixth Sense: Not really as good as everyone says. Most of the movie is boring. However, the ending is so fantastic, that it leaves you speechless. Consequently, you wind up talking about and thinking about the entire movie and all the things that led to that ending. This makes it an enjoyable experience, similar to The Sting.  Sixth Sense was technically well done, with Bruce Willis never changing clothing, never touching or encountering anybody, etc. It's worth seeing; hang in there and watch every detail and prepare to be astounded by the ending. Don't be surprised if you fall asleep though.

The Sting was constantly entertaining. When it was over, you had to want to watch it again to see the clues that you were not aware of. A third movie that fit this description was The Hazing from 1980 or so. In that movie, a college hazing results in a tragedy, with an eerie surprise twist ending. But it was basically a low budget movie with little else going for it. It may have been a straight to video production, except I think it was before the time of common place VCRs.

Gladiator: The opening battle scene was awesome, as was the big gladiator battle in the coliseum. Other than that it was good, maybe even excellent, but I didn’t get the same sense of overwhelming wonder as when I saw "10 Commandments" or "Star Wars" for the first time.

The Postman: This is kind of an interesting movie, which is way too long. As usual, Kevin Costner is too full of himself. This would have made an excellent one hour episode of the "Twilight Zone." The basic story is post nuclear war: The world is barbaric. Somehow Kevin Costner sort of accidentally gets the government going again by pretending to be a mailman. A bit hokey, but cute. If you are into science fiction end of civilization fiction (like Panic in the year zero, The Day After, On the Beach, The Stand) you might go for it. But the average person would find it boring, and Kevin Costner should not be bragging about this one. However, there is one very important point. The bad guy in the movie declares that before the war he was A COPIER SALESMAN, and made lots of money.

Silent Running: This was a very underrated and well made science fiction movie around 1972 that features biospheres on a space station. Bruce Dern was the hippie like astronaut, along with 3 robot helpers who are cuter than R2D2.

Gattega: Unusual science fiction movie that had some major flaws; no explanation of how the hero can afford to do his grand impersonation of an astronaut candidate. Also, he appears to step into the spacecraft in a business suit. No doubt, highly symbolic and allegorical. More of the Ray Bradbury type of Science fiction.

Cube: This was probably the most unusual and entertaining movies I’ve ever seen. The initial scene, if I described it, would sound gruesome, but was spellbinding and as impressive as any 007 opener. It got your attention, and the rest of the movie follows suit. Sort of Science Fiction, but more in the vein of Phillip Jose Farmer or Roald Dahl; macabre psychological thriller.

Gone with the wind: The rest of the world is wrong. This movie is horrible; boring, and way too mushy. Frankly, I don’t give a damn.

Star Wars, Phantom Menace   Star Wars 4, I call it. It is so hard to judge this. It is probably better than the original, but the magic was one time only, with the first two sequels as part of it. It is so hard to be overwhelmed by a movie, partially because the genius of moviedom, Stephen Spielberg, has raised the bar so high, that even he can not overwhelm us anymore.

 

Some of my favorite movies of all times.

Blues Brothers and Blues Brothers 2000. . Some of the greatest music of all time, along with some great dumb car chases and other stuff.

All three Star Wars movies.

Stand by Me: Rob Reiner’ adaptation of Stephen King’s novelette, The Body. Amazing how he could take a perfectly excellent story, hardly change a single line of dialog and make a movie that was far better than the original written work.

Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. However I have two problems with this movie, both having to do with Charlie. 1. When he unwraps the winning chocolate bar, he discards the wrapper; apparently littering. 2. Despite the fact that the Candy Man liked him and let him off the hook, he did steal fizzy lifting drinks, and the silo does have to be sanitized. I don’t understand why Charlie could get away with this, when Veruka and the others were banned from Candyland?

Night of the Living Dead, and both sequels get honorable mention.

The Wizard of Oz

Toy Story: Needs no explanation.

Killer Klowns from Outer Space. One of the weirdest and funniest movies ever. Classic example of a stupid idea and a stupid title making an excellent movie.

Midnight Cowboy: I don’t know why, it’ so depressing. What really pisses me off is that neither Jon Voight or Dustin Hoffman got an Oscar, but John Wayne won it that year for True Grit. In addition to being a generally mediocre actor, he was really lousy in that. I’m not saying you shouldn’t like him but those guys were way better.

Blue Collar: Little known movie from the 70s, starring Harvey Keitel, Richard Pryor and Yaphet Koto. Liking it must represent my underlying anti-establishment feelings, hidden under my businessman/capitalist veneer.

Celebrity Comments

 Jennifer Lopez:    The toughest female since Sigourney Weaver.  She survived Anaconda, the Cell and was a real good cop in  Out of Sight.  My wife says Ms. Lopez has a big butt.  I cannot think of anything that I would gain by disagreeing with her.  I'll bet Ms. Lopez could fix copiers. 

Stephen Seagal:  He's a jerk, and a typical spoiled brat.  Here is how I know this.  My daughter lived in Valdez Alaska when he made that movie that took place there (1993 or so).  The town was excited to have a celebrity and a movie made there.  He was one of these prima donnas, who had to have things done specially for him, and generally treated the townspeople like dirt.
Jeff Goldblum:   A friend of mine says that Goldblum has a philosophical line in every movie. I don’t know if this is true, but its fun to start thinking about. Here is what he and I came up with so far.

Jurassic Park. Two lines that I am aware of. "In Disney World, the pirates don't eat the tourists." And, as he is in danger of being devoured by the T-rex "I hate it when I am always right."

Independence Day. As he is aboard the alien spacecraft about to attack and destroy the mother ship "I always talk about saving the planet, here is my chance."

Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Someone asks him if any of his friends could have known of something that happened. His answer. "I don't have any friends."

Jennifer Lopez   I just think that she is interesting. Of course she is young and sexy, but so are a lot of film stars. She started in the Bronx, was one of the "Fly girls" on In Living Color and is now a for real singer and actress, not to mention still getting in the kind of trouble that you would think she got away from.

Yul Brynner    Artistic people think he was the greatest king of any King and I production ever. But here is what impresses me. He was my favorite cowboy, as a kid, in "The Magnificent Seven." I am, to this day, amazed at how he could be a cowboy with a Russian accent. I am further amazed that he could come back in the same clothes, just as tough, but now a bad guy (and a robot to boot!) in Westworld 15 years later, and its sequel Futureworld a few years after that. What is truly fantastic is what he did at the end of his life. He had been a cigarette smoker, and was dying of lung cancer. Prior to his death, he made "commercials" telling people that by the time they see this, he will be dead, and it is because of cigarette smoking.

Dennis Hopper: I feel there should be a special Oscar award. It should be presented to Dennis Hopper every time he appears in, directs or produces a movie. Lots of special moments, from The Trip, Easy Rider, even Speed. My son, at 14 could do the Speed "Bomb Speech" perfectly….."The bomb’s the thing. If it doesn’t blow up, you take away its reason for being…"

Kim Basinger:    Nothing needs to be said.

Sean Connery: The "real" James Bond. Trivia question. Can you name two movies in which Sean Connery was decapitated?

Leonardo DiCaprio: Not including Titanic, name at least two movies that he died in. Hint. In both of the movies I’m thinking of, the means to his end was similar to that of Alexander Hamilton.

Movie lines of interest

Dirty Dancing. The final dance scene.

Little Murders. 1971 or so, based on a play, I think. Donald Sutherland's bit as a non-religious minister performing the wedding. Hysterical.

Medicine Man. 1990 or so. Lorraine Bracco (now of The Sopranos). "You don’t even know my name." Sean Connery. "I was just going to call you Brooklyn." Lorraine Bracco. "I'm from da Bronx!" Sean Connery. "Doesn't have quite the same ring."

Steel Magnolias Spoke by Shirley Maclaine, one of my all time favorites, even if she is a bit nuts. "I'm not a grouch. I've just been in a bad mood for the last 25 years!"

Robert DeNiro, in Ronin, after supervising the scalpel removing of bullet from his abdomen, without anesthetic. "If you don’t mind, I’m going to pass out now."

Ronnic Cox in Robocop. "We had service contracts, and parts sales for 20 years, guaranteed. Who cares if they didn’t work?" Hmmm. What other industry might have made a statement like that.

Gert Frobe (Goldfinger) to James Bond (Sean Connery of course) who is about to be sliced in ½ by a laser beam, beginning at the worst spot that a man would want this to happen. James Bond. "You expect me to talk" (He is apparently considering it. Wouldn’t you?) Goldfinger’s laughing response. "No Mr. Bond. I expect you to die."

Answer to Trivia Questions: 

Leonardo DiCaprio was killed in The Quick and the Dead, in a gunfight (by his father; Gene Hackman).  That was a duel, similar to Alexander Hamilton's end (shot by Aaron Burr; real shame.  Two of the geniuses of the beginning of the US).  The other death was in Romeo and Juliet, but I got that mixed up with Hamlet and thought he died in a duel/swordfight. In R&J he was poisoned. Sean Connery was decapitated in The Highlander (everybody knows that; after all, those are the rules, and "there can be only one.") He was also decapitated in a really good and practically unknown movie The Man Who Would Be King.  I guess he also lost it in Highlander II, but that movie was too crummy to count.

Baseball Trivia:  

In 1961, Roger Maris hit 61 home runs.  How many times was he intentionally walked that year? 

Why is it now a rule in the major leagues that a player cannot be traded for a "Player to be named later."

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